Shadow Boxing

It really bums me out when my friends write each other off. Friendships, like any meaningful relationship, require work. They aren't always easy, they aren't always convenient, and they aren't always fun. But that doesn't make them any less important and giving up on someone completely because you aren't getting along as well as you used to seems sad, petty, and frankly immature.

The solution to a broken friendship can often be as simple as putting yourself in the other person's shoes. The view from the other side may just make you stop and re-examine the half of the equation you've been ignoring - yourself.

Empathy goes a long way I think.

Friendship makes life WORTH LIVING. And you don't give up on the people you love for nothing. Ever.

Something I can't help but notice is how my brother and I are growing apart. As I'm becoming the person I'm meant to be, and he is as well, we have less and less in common. I find myself zoning out when he talks to me about absolutely ridiculous things. And it's like, he doesn't care about anything that matters to me. He doesn't understand why I have a cat, or my fashion sense. I know that when I get my tattoo(s) that it could very well be the final straw. And it's sad, because it's him. It's not me. I've never been judgmental about anything he's ever done. If it makes him happy, then I'm happy for him. But for some reason, he can't give me that same common courtesy back. And it hurts.  

I get mad at people when they have lives outside of our friendship. It's sort of a catch 22. Because ultimately, if I was in your facebook pictures instead of whomever, I would be wishing I was at home. but when I'm at home, looking at those pictures, I long to be a part of them. I'm a definite homebody. There's nothing I love more than just being at home. But sometimes, I don't know, I guess I wish I was out there making memories. But that's okay. I'm quite content right here. Just, stop by and say hey sometimes? 

The Day You Read This

On this day, you read something that moved you and made you realise there were no more fears to fear. No tears to cry. No head to hang in shame. That every time you thought you’d offended someone, it was all just in your head and really, they love you with all their heart and nothing will ever change that. That everyone and everything lives on inside you. That that doesn’t make any of it any less real. 

That soft touches will change you and stay with you longer than hard ones. 

That being alone means you’re free. That old lovers miss you and new lovers want you and the one you’re with is the one you’re meant to be with. That the tingles running down your arms are angel feathers and they whisper in your ear, constantly, if you choose to hear them. That everything you want to happen, will happen, if you decide you want it enough. That every time you think a sad thought, you can think a happy one instead. 

That you control that completely. 

That the people who make you laugh are more beautiful than beautiful people. That you laugh more than you cry. That crying is good for you. That the people you hate wish you would stop and you do too.

That your friends are reflections of the best parts of you. That you are more than the sum total of the things you know and how you react to them. That dancing is sometimes more important than listening to the music. 

That the most embarrassing, awkward moments of your life are only remembered by you and no one else. That no one judges you when you walk into a room and all they really want to know, is if you’re judging them. That what you make and what you do with your time is more important than you’ll ever fathom and should be treated as such. That the difference between a job and art is passion. That neither defines who you are. That talking to strangers is how you make friends. 

That bad days end but a smile can go around the world. That life contradicts itself, constantly. That that’s why it’s worth living. 

That the difference between pain and love is time. That love is only as real as you want it to be. That if you feel good, you look good but it doesn’t always work the other way around. 

That the sun will rise each day and it’s up to you each day if you match it. That nothing matters up until this point. That what you decide now, in this moment, will change the future. Forever. That rain is beautiful.

And so are you.

Choices

I was born into a family not of my choosing, by parents that I didn't pick. They used a few parenting techniques that they thought were best, fed me food and exposed me to people and television they believed would shape a quality personality. So I watched the TV they chose, ate from the limited choice of healthy food in the cupboards, and read the books they bought me. I grew with the internal and external physical traits forced on me by genetics. Now I'm typing this on a computer we bought in a city I didn't choose to live in, from a store that was only the best in the area we had to choose from, and by a man who was given his job by some rich bigshot. My freedoms and liberties are ironically limited, and chosen by a government that I don't have the right to choose. Even when I'm eighteen, my democracy will be about as diverse as "puppet on the left, or puppet on the right". Now I apparently just have to choose my future.

"Dude, why don't you drink?"

Five years ago I made a lifetime commitment to myself to never touch it. Not because it was cool to say so (because believe me, it's not), not because I felt I needed the reassurance of a community of like-minded people, but because it was in my character to do so. It has never made sense to me so even the other day when someone asked me, "so why don't you drink?" I responded with, "I think the better question is why DO you drink?"
I find it a sad day that in our culture of over-consumption and "moral high ground" that someone who DOESN'T drink is perceived as an outcast.

I don't preach. If you ask for my opinion, I will tell you. If it's in your character to drink, more power to you. I don't look down on "sellouts" or people who once claimed to "not drink" but now run off to the first bar they see to get "socially lubricated." I respect it more when someone is honest with themselves, whether it be sexually, politically, or emotionally. I do not respect facades or insincerity. So if you're running around with an X on the back of your hand and do not feel it in your head and heart, if you haven't put into perspective that it is a philosophy, and not a music scene and fully comprehend that it is a commitment for life and nothing less... if you don't know that feeling then I don't expect you to maintain the claim. Good for you for being truly honest with yourself, because most people can smell insincerity and no one respects it.

But that's not what this is about.

It's not so much the idea of getting wasted that turns me off, it's the "social" aspect that is so unattractive.
I see people walk into bars, articulate and intelligent and just for a night out with the girls or boys, then stumble out as embarrassing shadows of who they once were. That the only way the can feel comfortable conversing with someone is to have a glass of wine or a cocktail. That it's not in their character to be open and honest with ideas or theories on life, that the only way they can dance and let go and feel free and laugh is with the help of something manufactured that they have to pay for. And that's where they lose my respect because they (or someone) had to PAY to let go and to relate and to lose their inhibitions.

I understand the lure of getting drunk. It takes you to another world where you don't have to think about your problems and you can laugh without consequences... or at least until you wake up. And I also understand the weakness and lack of character it takes to step inside these places and pay for a glass of liquid courage. I understand that you don't have it in you to man up and deal, that you have to put money into someones pocket and tip jar to feel alive.

I understand this.

Understand, the physical act of drinking isn't what I'm talking about. That is simply your choice and I don't think that choice makes me better than anyone because they drink some liquid and I don't. Although, I do think I make better choices than you do.

But where I won't play the politically correct card is WHY you choose to drink.
If you are a chickenshit who is incapable of expressing your feelings that you need to drop money on a bar to feel more like "yourself," which is an idiotic concept in and of itself, then yes, I believe that my character is stronger than yours. Because your actions are a pathetic reflection of your will and your lack of true expression.
And that's why I think you are weak.
And that's why I see you as a sad and trite and scared little kid.
And that's why when you ask me why I don't drink, I know you don't get it and it tells me everything I need to know about your character.
And that's why I don't respect you.

Bitch.

So there's this girl... the first time I came in contact with her I thought, "Wow, this girl is a bitch!" But then I was thinking, 'Wait... everything she's saying is something I'd say too.' Do I look that horrible in other people's eyes? Do people think the same things about me that I thought about her? I wonder why she is the way she is.